ADVENTURES IN PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION!!!!!

Posted: July 19, 2009 in Uncategorized

So, I’ve grown somewhat fond of The Metropolitan Transit Authority.  Specifically, late at night.  In this heat, waiting for a train at 2:30 am eight miles below the surface of the earth’s crust, apparently directly on top of the molten core, there’s almost a sense of camaraderie.  People lean on pylons and shuffle around waiting for the next train and even though everyone knows there’s no train coming, if one person looks down the tunnel, even with no indication one’s coming, at least four more people lean out and look, too.  The other night, the L back to Brooklyn was taking an unusually long time to get to 14th and it was hot.  Wait, no, I’m mistaken.  It was MOTHERFUCKING hot.  I actually saw someone who may sweat more than I do.  He also smelled of crab.  I wandered around whistling, “Burnin’ for You” by Blue Oyster Cult and trying to stay conscious.  Twice the whole station rumbled as a train came by above us and a large squad of people got up thinking it was our train, only to sit back down grumbling, glaring at each other, trying to find someone to blame.  At one point, I look next to me and there was this gorgeous young lady, olive skin; long, curly, coppery red hair, tied in a pony tail; torn jeans, ridin’ lower than I’ve seen in a bit; plaid shirt, tied at her midsection; her neck glistening with a lighter sheen of sweat than anyone else there.  She was thin, but curvy and I could bet money she was at least part South American.  She glanced over at me and smiled.  I smiled back and realized I was kind of staring and was rubbing my chest.  Just kidding about the last part.  She went back to playing with her iPod and I went back to feeling like an old creep.  Just then, the L arrives.  Almost COMPLETELY empty except the train that stops in front of both of us.  He kind of looked like Stephen Dorff, except a bit heavier and a bit blonder.  Oh, yeah and he was staring out of the door right in front of us with the most INSANE SMILE I’VE EVER SEEN.  The train stopped and the doors took forever to open.  People trickled up behind us and the girl and I are looking at Count Evil for a bit longer.  She looks over at me and goes, “He.”  And made a face like this. <:/  I said, “Don’t worry, he’ll probably come after me first.”  She laughed and the doors open right then.  THEN THE WORLD EXPLODED.  The guy pulls out a butcher knife and starts swinging!  He hits the first lady that stepped in front of me and she goes down!  That’s what you get for cutting lady!  Then he goes after the guy playing the guitar in the terminal!  Karmic payback for slaughtering Faith No More!   Then it turned into a downright bloodbath!!!  People started screaming and I pulled out my collapsed bo staff and…

Yeah, that last part didn’t happen.  He stepped out of the train and I said, “Man, I thought you were going to kill us, dude.”  His reply, “Gahhhhhhhhhhhkkkk  way too drnk, Maaaaaaaaaaaaan.” 🙂

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Comments
  1. Mo!!y says:

    Is it wrong that I started rubbing MY chest during the bloodbath part?

    Like

  2. dan says:

    is it weird that i believed the cutting part right off the bat?

    Like

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