The other day, the ‘teers came home from dinner and SNR wanted some love, so we had a little hugfest. I have to admit, I think I needed that as much as she did. Now our relationship is strictly platonic, but there’s definitely something to be said about being touched by someone who cares about you.
This lead me to thinking about my current status as it stands with social interaction. Specifically with females. In a romantic situation. Yes, I mean sex. Now, it’s been a bit (not too long), but a little while since I’ve made the beast with two backs (ROMANTIC!). I am fully aware that LOVE != SEX. I get that. I’ve had sexual encounters that were plenty enjoyable when I only kind of liked the person. I just don’t think I want that anymore. I don’t think it’s a question of growing up, because I’ve kind of always felt that way. I don’t think it makes me better than anyone else who can fully enjoy a sexual encounter without any emotional ties, I’m just different. If it’s sexual gratification I need, I have a pretty damn good imagination. If it’s touch I need, if you’ve been around me for longer than an hour, you know I invade personal space anyway. I am kind of gender specific when it comes to touch, which I’m getting more secure with (cue Stupidman – “YOU ARE GAY AND FAGGOT.”) Mostly, I realize I waffle between, “I want to meet the right lady. Attractive, intelligent, interesting, a forward thinker, who has her shit together mentally, who has some of the same interests as I do, wants to grow with me, secure with herself and with me and makes me happy. With nice cans.”, and “She doesn’t seem TOO crazy or opportunistic. And has nice cans.” I realize it’s a given that when I go with the latter, I get more play. And feel more empty.
It’s funny how a hug can spark a whole reflection on how you live your life. Thanks, K-town (I’m dropping SNR, sounds weird).