Kinko Bonobos II: Electric…Ah, forget it.

Posted: December 20, 2012 in Uncategorized
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Awhile back, when I was inhabiting the wasteland of Williamsburg, I regaled the internet with tales of my adventures in dining and odd flea market spelunking.  I realized that the list spawned from that was far from complete, considering it was mostly the area surrounding Williamsburg and I had neglected large areas of Manhattan that I have grown to appreciate.  I’ve used that prior list (presented HERE for your lazy perusal) to give tips and tricks for visitors to the lands of the Five Boroughs and I feel like I have more to share.  SO.  Without further hullabaloo…I present a continuation of The Monster’s Guide to New York Gluttony and Dipsomania.  You’ll notice that a lot of these gems are in the same general area.  I don’t do a lot of Midtown if I can avoid it and Times Square gives me hives, so I prefer the Village, East and West if I can help it.

One addition to the last list that I recently discovered was an (somewhat) addendum to Angel’s Share.  This yakitori joint that assaults you with brain-piercing neon and J-pop played loud enough to cause Neo-Tokyo to implode turns out to be pretty decent.  The portal to the wonder that is Angel’s Share, Village Yokocho, has a good, solid menu of Japanese small plates and a nice beer and sake selection.  I recommend a drop in before calming down at AS.  8 Stuyvesant.

If you’re in the mood for a more formal setting (not too formal, you snob), I was finally (and easily) cajoled by Monster Hunter Y to go to Momofuku Noodle Bar, which I repeatedly insist on mispronouncing, much to The Red Queen’s chagrin.  With an astounding menu of ramen and other delicacies from the far East Village, Momofuku is a great spot to stuff yourself stupid.  I’ve never had much luck on a weekend getting in, but during the weekday, there was absolutely no wait.  171 First Avenue.

SLUUUURRRP!

SLUUUURRRP!

If it’s heartier fare you crave, look no further, my attentive audience.  Just a very small stone’s throw away from Momofuku is the Hungarian Burger shop dubbed Korzo Haus.  Locally sourced and forcefully served, the burgers at Korzo Haus are perfectly cooked after being wrapped in a delicious dough cradle called Langoš and then deep fried to destroy any possibly evil spirits lurking in the meat, I’m assuming.  Don’t forget the potato spetzel and if you’re super gross, the beet ketchup.  Uck, beets.  Barf.  178 E. 7th St.

YOU WILL EAT THE BURGER OR WE WILL FIGHT.

YOU WILL EAT THE BURGER OR WE WILL FIGHT.

If that’s not enough dead animal flesh sliding down your gullet, a quick jaunt over to Stanton St will bring you to the always satisfying Meatball Shop.  It’s really hard to try to put a different face on specialty shops than what they are.  They’re somewhat trendy now, but I can’t complain because sometimes, specializing is good.  Maybe the insects are right.  Meatball Shop is just amazing meatballs in multiple configurations.  GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME, FOOL.  Don’t forget to try the ice cream sandwich with fresh baked cookies and in-house ice cream.  84 Stanton St.

To cleanse the palate, time for more ice cream! It’s a good idea to maybe shove a big, fat gay ice cream cone down your throat when you’re already getting so much meat.  Oh, look, NYC has that for you, too.  Big Gay Ice Cream is exactly what it sounds like.  Big Gay Ice Cream.  GOOD Big Gay Ice Cream.  I devoured The Salty Pimp cone without looking back.  Okay, maybe I looked back to take, like, five Lactaids, BUT WHATEVER, WORTH IT.  Fancy and pretty and fun and the ice cream is unique and cool.  If you’re too much of a big, dumb sissy to go to Big Gay Ice Cream, well, try Baskin-Robbins.  And live a life unfulfilled.  125 East 7th Street.

At this point, you might want to calm down.  I mean, you’re only human.  Or subhuman.  Abby Human?  Well, you can take a seat nearby here at The Bourgeois Pig.  Very dark and sexy and comfortable, with some nice wine, cocktails and charcuterie, The Bourgeois Pig is a nice place to get away from the heaviness of the city for a moment and feel like you’re fleeing all the king’s men.  111 E 7th St.

Now, I’ve been mostly describing restaurants and eateries, but if you feel like venturing north a bit, another El Hybrid addition to the repertoire is The Russian Vodka Room.  Something straight out of an Ian Fleming novel, this small, red, delicious slice of hell is closer to Times Square, but has a lot going for it.  Infused vodkas and pickled vegetables and INCREDIBLY attentive staff make for a perfect winter oasis.  165 W 52nd St.

Since you’re in the area, if you’re looking for a nice, aged steak and more well done cocktails, Gallagher’s is right down the way and worth a visit.   Since 1927, Gallagher’s has been doing Manhattans and Martinis up for the locals and doesn’t seem to be letting up any time soon.  228 W 52nd St.

If you’re craving something slightly more carnal at this point, a New York favorite is The Museum of Sex.  Not for the squeamish, but neither is this blog, so you should be alright.  Ribald, but also informative, The Museum of Sex has some titillating and interesting exhibits and is always a fun jaunt after you’ve gotten your fill elsewhere.   233 5th Ave.

Since we’re on the subject of pork, back down to the East Village for some pork sandwiches.  Porchetta is, you guessed it, all about pork.  You’ll be presented with a very simple and tasty pork sandwich, done up with thick bread and some greens on the side.  That’s good porkin’, man.  The staff was very courteous and easy to chat with and offer nice suggestions.  An accidental drop-in last time in the city and a very happy accident at that.  110 E 7th St.

If it’s more dairy you want in your diet, then look no further than Little Meunster.  A specialty grilled cheese shop that is easily the size of a postage stamp, Little Meunster offers not much more than very fancy (their website says so!) grilled cheese slung with some tasty soup and chips.  Good stuff and very comforting.  100 Stanton St.

It’s time to head back into Brooklyn for a place I neglected to mention last article.  Dumont on Union has what is very possibly my favorite burger.  Not overly complicated, but a good healthy portion, the Dumont burger is grass-fed, organic, served on a brioche bun and is phenomenal in its quality and taste.  I COULD EAT A BILLION.  I haven’t personally tried it, but I’ve also heard excellent things about their Reuben sandwich.  432 Union Ave.

While you’re in the area, one of my favorite comfort spots is The Huckleberry Bar.  A cozy spot with well made drinks and decent bar food, the Huckleberry’s true appeal is the atmosphere.  At first glance, it’s nothing special, but it has the appeal of being very low-key and friendly, except on holiday nights.  I went on Halloween.  Ugh.  Never again. Otherwise, would hang again A++.  588 Grand St.

Last but not least, in tribute to The Cos, NYC has a pudding specialty shop dubbed Puddin’.  Easily the best pudding I’ve ever had, there is even a vegan choice (Banana) and Puddin’ has surprised many a naysayer with its quality and deliciousness.  I recommend both the Lemon Drop and the Banana Cream Dream or whatever flavor you prefer with key lime angel food pieces. YUM, DUDE, YUM.  102 St. Mark’s Place.

I'MA GET THAT PUDDIN'!

I’MA GET THAT PUDDIN’!

This list is by no means conclusive, but an update was definitely in order.  If you have any suggestions that I missed, let me know and I’ll put it in the brain bank for next time, but this should get your arteries clogged pretty well for now.

Yeah. Right. Hell.

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