Posted: March 5, 2013 in Uncategorized
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When I was very young, my dad had a turntable in our living room that was hidden behind a false painting of The Blue Boy by Thomas Gainesborough. It pivoted open to reveal an empty space and my dad turned it into the entertainment center. I grew up staring at that doughy face and that foppish hat and going, “Dude, Percy, stop looking at me. You’re freaking me out.” But I loved that turntable. My dad only had music of his, but when I was around seven or eight, I would go through his vinyl and I would put on things like The Bee Gees Jive Talkin’ and I would get damn funky. My Nana would sit in the dining room and sit and laugh as she watched me jump around and do this goofy dance that my older brother, Larry, referred to as “Allen’s Crazy Ostrich Dance.” I can’t even being to describe it further than it absolutely looked like an ostrich running. I bet you can even guess which part of the song I did it to. I would even go so far to get my GI Joes and make them do it, too. Especially Firefly and Zartan. Those dudes were my favorite. I still have a soft spot for Firefly because he just started out as just some Cobra demolitionist and in the comics, they said, “Hey, this dude looks like a ninja with his balaclava. Let’s give him a crazy backstory where he kills Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow’s master and is this super ninja!” Oh, you crazy GI Joe writers. And I just liked making Zartan change colors over and over again and I melted his fake mask that you could put on him with a magnifying glass so it looked like The Incredible Melting Man. DISCO DISCO, YA YA!



Yeah, nice upgrade, douche.


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